As a child I had these moments in which I was aware of me being a soul, in a body, connected to the spirit world, knowing that we are more than our body and mind. Sometimes, I would zoom out into a realm that felt like I was completely dissolved. I loved spending time at the graveyard that was in front of my grandma's house to connect to the ones that had already left their bodies. Of course, I also had more normal hobbies :); I loved sports, dancing and traveling, and connecting with my friends.
As the awareness of soul was not part of the people around me, I started to connect with others through more normative ways. By doing so, though, I lost the connection to myself, as I forgot this feeling of true connectedness.
I was going through my ups and downs; ups whenever I managed to play the human life fully without questioning too much, and downs whenever I stopped for a moment and sensed the emptiness of existence, without the true connection to myself and the magic of life around me.
In my early 30s, life started to send me reminders of who I am and gave me glimpses of how it feels to be fully connected to myself and everything around me. I started initiating a switch in my career path that step for step felt more true to who I am and more aligned with my life purpose. I switched from a scientifically oriented- to a more holistic life perception.
When in my early 40's, life (and I guess myself from a higher perspective) decided, I was ready for the ultimate challenge of letting go of my work, relationship and home, I took a big step into the unknown, moving to a new country by myself to live a life in simplicity, closer to nature and more in line with what is important to me. Letting go of the three main pillars that our current society connects the false sense of security to, was bringing me through a journey of feeling extremely free and joyful in moments that I was centered within my heart, and in other moments I could feel that the ground was taken underneath my feet and anxiety and (self-)doubt was part of my experience. The latter were moments, in which I worked through (hopefully soon) 'old' societal belief systems. I questioned myself: 'Who are you that you think you can live a life that is meaningful, joyful and purposeful? Wouldn't everyone do it, if that would be possible? Am I fooling myself?' Deep within however, there was never a doubt that the path I was starting to walk, was in line with my heart and -while having the feeling falling off a huge cliff- I could sense that there was going to be a safety net at the bottom that would prevent me from crashing to the ground.
Soon starting my fourth year abroad, I now enter calmer waters (for this moment at least ;)) and am truly grateful for my path. It brought me such a diverse experience of this human life, with all the challenges and beauty, which now also helps me to deeply understand the challenges that people may feel on their path. I now call it growing pain, as I experienced it, when my legs started growing as a child, and ultimately it makes us the magical beings that we are; from a caterpillar in a cocoon to a butterfly.
Guided by my heart, spirit and the mirrors of the people crossing my path, life starts to flow more easily as I am losing the resistance and stepping into trust.
I call it the hearts journey home, as the ultimate guidance I receive, is through connecting to my heart, my intuition and emotional guidance system.
WITH LOVE, JUDITH
